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God’s Economy and Calculations

“Have you ever thought the omniscient one has possibly miscalculated?” Mark Batterson

Gulp… yes. It’s a struggle I have over and over. Wondering what God is doing… I consider it a lot. By my calculations I should be at a different place in life. Since high school I have sought out God’s leading and direction in my life and tried to be faithful to following the “omniscient one.” I have in no way always been faithful, yet He has. My understanding of God and the work of Christ and the Holy Spirit has deepened, changed, and become more focused over the years. As my aim has been growing closer to God there are dreams that I have always hoped would fall into place. I have wanted to look beside me as I serve, worship, lead, learn, or have fun in His creation and see a “partner.” I have wanted to be able to buy a home to be able to open it up to foster kids, yet despite saving and giving this dream is still a bit out of reach. I have wanted to have my own children and adopt but have always felt that for me it is a 2 parent plan. (though I have single friends I admire who have adopted and I support!). This still seems out of reach and I wonder why God has given me this desire, not just for children – but to adopt? I have wanted to be a foster parent since I was a teenager. I have let go of relationships where God was not both of our first priority, trusting He has something better in store yet it seems not yet.

In contrast because of the freedom I have had over the years (single with no house, kids, or dog) I have poured into young adults lives, embraced my position as a social worked as a calling, travelled, served, and had wonderful adventures and friendships develop. I do love my life! Yet the Mark Batterson remains true… sometimes I wonder if He has miscalculated. I have attempted to worship God with my whole life but God’s economy is not a matter of accounting 101, and there are no miscalculations on his part.

Do you ever wonder the same thing… if God possibly miscalculates?

I don’t want to miss that God’s economy is not something that can ever be fully understood yet ultimately there is beauty in it.

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Friends in Dallas

The Catalyst Conference in Dallas this past week was my stomping ground. It was a fire hose of teaching that was amazing. The worship was moving, centering and refreshing. More on what I am learning through this experience later…it will take a while to unpack. The remainder of my time in Texas was spent with friends who have two young adult daughters. I have known these young women since they were in elementary and middle school and this coming year both will be in college. I am friends with their parents yet I also spent time with only them. They spilled to me a few of the challenges they have faced over the past year. I was a bit surprised how open they were as we haven’t seen each other in a few years. Really listening to the challenges of young adulthood is not to be taken lightly as they don’t always talk freely. They shared about their perspectives on family life and interactions with friends. Being close to their parents and also talking with them about the girls I found myself pondering the complexity of family life. Here I was listening to the stories of two different generations and I wanted to weave them together as I believe they all want the same things – both closeness and openness. They are not quite there right now, though I have hope knowing the foundation upon which this family has been built upon.

I found myself wanting to spend more time with these young women. As they talked with me and appeared to share with me openly and honestly I kept thinking I wish that they had not moved away and I could have mentored them. One young woman has a determination and emotional intensity that are strengths. Her sister has a quick wit and personality that is refreshing. I learned from them as they shared about music and culture. It was further confirmation that I love the “transitional years”, the decisions to be made during these years and the importance of discovering who you are created to be. As I thought of these young women I kept thinking how much potential they have and need to hear from adults other than their parents. Don’t get me wrong, they have loving and caring parents who want the best for them. Yet young adults need other mentors in their lives and I am continually thankful and humbled at the mentors and friends I have who are older and wiser and speak into my life. I have been thinking a great deal about adoption and foster care in the past years and the step(s) I want to take in this direction. Though I love mentoring I must remember that this is not the primary role I will play as a parent and it is essential to allow others to have this role in a child’s life.

My take aways from my time with friends in Dallas are:

I don’t want to miss out on recognizing that I really do enjoy mentoring transitional age kids (15-25) though I have sometimes denied it. I’m not quite sure why I deny it, or think I don’t relate to young adults sometimes, I just do. (I need to get over it)

Though I love working with transitional kids and envision myself having them in my home in the future, I don’t want to miss that it will be important they have mentors outside of my home as well, who can continue pour into their lives in other ways.